This House Is Empty Now

“These rooms play tricks upon you
Remember when they were always filled with laughter “

This house is empty now.

My husband took a picture of my late sister’s living room and brought it back home for me to look at. By the time the picture had been taken, I had vowed never to go back to that house again. There are many things that I can write and/or say about this situation, but they will have to be said and/or written after all parties involved either die or go back to their respective planet(s). That being said…there will be many things that the world will never know.

I looked at the photo. My sister would not have liked for her living room to look like this.

“It’s funny how the memory will bring you so close… then make you disappear “

I had gone back a few times to help clean things up and clear things out, but have since left the task for my mother to complete. Too many disagreements over “who gets what”. Mind you, the disagreements were never about the monetary value of any of the “stuff”, but were based mostly on control and distribution. On my last visit to the house, on a day when Mom was not there, I asked my husband and son to wait out in the car while I said my last “goodbye” to the house and to whatever little was left of my sister that still remained within. As I stood alone in the middle of the floor with tears streaming down my cheeks saying my “goodbye”; I felt mad, glad, sad ….all at the same time. But mostly I felt “had”. Yep, you heard it right…”had”. My sister had left us alone to deal with this…this emotional mess! Sure, she had her financial house in order; but we were emotionally left “ holding the bag”

My sister died of stage 4 mestas…stststic , mestsatstsat… “however-the-heck-you-spell-it” breast cancer. For it to have gotten so far along, meant that she at least had some inkling that “sumthin’ wern’t right” some time beforehand. She never told us.

We loved that girl. We love that girl. Her home was the place of many good times and family gatherings.

“This house is empty now. There’s no one living here you have to care about “

Although my husband still makes sure that the lawn is regularly mowed, and the hedges trimmed, I haven’t been by the place in a while. And from what my husband and Mom tell me, everything has been pretty much cleared up inside as well . My sister’s clothes and shoes have been tried on, picked over and/or shipped out. Her household items have been divvied up, the remaining furniture has been put back into place; and the house is almost ready to be put on the market for sale. When I used to visit the house regularly, in the days immediately following her death, I could literally feel my sister’s spirit seeping out with each visit . There is one thing I know for sure…there is “something” that can actually be felt when a home is lived in; and the person doesn’t have to actually be on site for this feeling to occur. It is more or less a “knowing” of whether a place is inhabited or not. Make no mistake about it…. although her house may appear to look lived in; everything that made my sister’s house a home is now gone. Despite the cheery flowers and well kept exterior…

This house is empty now. ..

So am I… and so am I…

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