My Love’s Leavin’

Landmines and Boobytraps.

Never really had much use for either of those words; except perhaps during that rare, once-in-a-decade discussion that occasionally popped up dealing with war and strategy. I really hadn’t any use for those words…that is; until after my sister died. The road on which I walk now is fraught with tons of each. I now find myself in the position of never knowing what smell, sound or song will be the one that will catch me off guard; sending me running to nearest restroom to have a mini-breakdown. I never know… Kleenex is now in my purse at all times; because …, I just never know.

“Shadows in purple thrill me
I cry myself awake each night”

Last night (Sunday, June 13,2010) my husband and I had my parents over for dinner and a movie. We had a chance to sit and talk. I cooked and made preparations as music played in the background. Usually, during these family dinners, my sister would be working side-by-side with me…helping. On this night, she was not with me. It all felt strange. My husband had selected a jazz album by the group “Fourplay”. There is this one track on it, “My Love’s Leavin’” that seemed to just suddenly jump out and grab me by the throat . There was no warning. As Michael McDonald sang out the painful words, I ran out of the room. But before I did , I begged my husband to “please, change the song!” “Please change it now!” I ran upstairs and managed to get myself together; coming back down in less than five minutes. The moment I returned, I apologized to everyone and told them that I thought I could listen to the CD, but it’s just “that song”. I just can’t listen to “that song!” Mom looked me straight in the eye and quietly whispered, “I understand, Lord knows I understand”. Daddy ? Well he just sat…and stared straight ahead. You never know.

“I can’t believe that it’s true
Here I am, where are you?”

Then…there was the movie, “Everybody’s Fine” with Robert DeNiro. Mom cried throughout the first ten minutes of it. My husband asked if we needed to stop looking at it; but she said that she still wanted to see it. It took a while before we all felt comfortable enough , but we did finish. I refused to cry this time around; as I already had made an ass of myself earlier. Truth be told: It was actually a good movie. But, you never know.

Wasn’t too long before it was time to pack up food for them to take home and kiss them goodnight. Mom has a difficult driving in the dark, so she was a bit nervous. My husband and I have decided that the next time, we will pick them up and drive them back ourselves. As they left to go home, the sky had had just enough light left; so that they would not have to drive home in pitch black. I looked up into that sky and saw something just awesomely phenomenal.

“Shadows in purple thrill me”

My husband was standing on the stoop next to me; yet I was unable to speak to him until after it passed over. I told him what I saw; and he smiled. Having Mom and Dad over for dinner and a movie was a good thing. A very good thing. I know that you are wondering: Just what was it that I saw? That, I’m afraid, is personal. You’ll never know .

‘sides…you’d never believe me if I told you.

“But I’ll control my feelings,I find faith, healing; and I’ll find hope singing”
“The way is so long. But I’m going to be strong”

We are going to be alright.

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